I read a story in National Geographic recently about polygamists and my first impression was that they are pretty seriously messed up. But I realized as I read that it's hard to really give an objective opinion, since I've been raised in a society that strongly opposes polygamy and I cannot even imagine spending my life sharing my husband with other women and pumping out a crap pile of kids. It seems too obvious - they've got creepy middle aged men marrying 14 year old girls, and they kick out boys and men who get upset that there's not enough wives to go around. Isn't that just wrong?
And than I got to thinking about it. The article also mentions that they raise their kids on farms, with little tv/media exposure and few processed foods. Kids are homeschooled, and help out with chores from a young age. Their communities are largely free of crime and are very self sufficient. When was the last time you heard of a kid shooting up a polygamist compound? Sure there's that thing about teen pregnancy, but we have lots of teen pregnancy too - and at least these children are born into a loving (albeit strange) environment with both (or all 7) parents. Admittedly there in an elevated risk of obscure recessive hereditary disorders because of in-breeding, but at least there's no Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, STDs and homelessness. They have cell phones, women are allowed to drive, and laser eye surgery is all the rage, and contrary to popular belief there are no guards keeping the women from running off.
Before you all get excited (as excited as an imaginary blog audience can get...), I'm not taking applications for sister-wives just yet. I'm pretty jealous of my husband's attention and very happy with the set up we've got, but what I'm saying is that our society has this I'm ok, you're ok, we're ok attitude where people purport to mind their own business and let everyone do what they want, whether it's marrying someone of the same or opposite sex, remaining celibate or devoting ones life to having as many sex partners as possible, believing in as many or as few gods as one wants (or believing we're all god inside), anything goes. But somehow the polygamists are getting judged as horrible child abusing people and if you really think about it, it seems like a bit of a double standard.
Why don't they get the same liberal "you're ok" treatment as the rest of those in society who choose to pursue an "alternative lifestyle"? Why do we judge women who say they're fine with polygamist arrangements as brain-washed? Let's not kid ourselves - it's not like mainstream North American society is an enlightened paradise. Every year there are millions of abortions, a growing number of people medicated for depression, and our youth seem to be losing their innocence ever earlier as we see serious issues such as suicide and eating disorders in younger and younger children. Maybe we're the brain-washed ones, raising our kids idolizing promiscuous, drug addicted pop stars amid rampant comsumerism in a world where we pretend that we're "all ok".
In an ideal world we would all be raised in upper class families surrounded by loving, biological parents, and given every opportunity to fulfill our unlimited potential, but in the absence of perfection, is a life of sister-wife-hood and pooping out a dozen kids really the worst alternative? My whole point here is not that I agree with polygamy - far from it - but there are a lot of things in our society that I think are wrong, and I am confused by the fact that we choose to single out a relatively small group of people who believe differantly than the rest of us. I believe that we should continue to work to stop anyone who exploits young girls, but I think we need to maybe start looking around at our society in general and realizing that without some shared standards of right & wrong, and a general societal agreement to provide a safe world for our children, polygamist compound living will continue to offer many advantages that many in our society are missing, and that that is a shame.
